Oh, Dayum!! The most intimidating man in hip-hop isn't Jay-Z, or Weezy, or some hustling exec at Interscope. It's a former lawyer named Fred, whose comically sleazy gossip website MediaTakeout has been denounced onstage by Kanye, slapped with a cease-and-desist order by Ochocinco, and bookmarked by everyone in the world of black entertainment. Because if MediaTakeout sets its sights on you, whatever it publishes probably isn't true, but it does mean you've made it in the game
If you want to know how a surreal kernel of innuendo can travel from the floor of an NBA game to the front page of the New York Daily News and beyond, all without a single person actually knowing what it means, or whether it's even true, consider the tale of Carmelo Anthony's wife La La, Kevin Garnett, the apparently erotic flavor of Honey Nut Cheerios, and the vast, confusing world of black Internet gossip.
Maybe you follow the NBA, or the New York tabloids; maybe you don't. So here's some context. In January, in the middle of a contentious Knicks-Celtics game, Anthony basically went berserk on Garnett. Garnett had said something to him on the floor, though the particulars were not initially clear. Whatever it was led Anthony to attempt a siege of the Celtics team bus after the game. It took five cops, an entire contingent of Madison Square Garden security, and Knicks head coach Mike Woodson to get Melo to stand down.
A couple days later, the New York Daily News put La La on the front page, next to a giant, suggestive circle of breakfast cereal: Garnett, the tabloid alleged, had told Anthony that his wife tasted "like Honey Nut Cheerios." Garnett was not referring to her mouth. And so the first great sports tabloid story of 2013 was born.
Only problem was, according to La La—meaning, according to her husband—Garnett never actually said it. Which, in a way, made the Daily News story more ominous: Something that specific, that suggestive, had to come from somewhere. But where?